"That's Not Food!"

Do you know what a fistula is?  The pediatric surgeon explained it to us in great deal yesterday, drawing out the Kurt Vonnegut asterisk and everything.  For those of you who have never read "Breakfast of Champions": The doctor sketched out the butthole and went on to explain that Alex has an anal fistula, basically a tunnel of nastiness that needs to be scraped and closed so that Alex won't get another inflamed abscess.  Andy, clearly listening very closely, approached the surgeon after the drawing and tunnel explanation and stated, "I like tunnels."  Later, I had to explain that this was not a tunnel for a choo choo.  It was a tunnel for pus.  Chugga chugga! The doctor also went on to draw a penis and proclaim that Alex had a botched circumcision, although we probably had noticed that already.  Nope.  Didn't notice a thing.  I always thought Alex had a fab penis.  Go figure.  But, anyway, while they put Alex under for ...

In the past couple weeks, Alex has sprouted two sharp little teeth, mastered the art of crawling, and started eating finger food.  I seem to recall throwing ticker tape parades for Andy when he accomplished these tasks.  For Alex?  I have expressed great enthusiasm and offered smiles and hugs before excusing myself to clean up the small, but neat, piles of regurgitated carrot left behind on the coffee table by his older brother. Alex has accomplished each of these tasks well before Andy did.  Andy refused to eat solid foods until after nine months, while Alex has been eating his purees like a champ since five.  Andy's teeth did not come in until about nine months as well, and Andy did not start army crawling (that lazy fatso) until about nine as well.  Wow, was that really all in the same month for Andy?  So was it one ticker tape parade or three?  My mind fails me on the details, as I have developed a strong case of mom brain over the past coup...

We bought an iPad after Christmas, despite Chris' years and years of denouncing anything Apple.  I vaguely remember Chris stealing my iPod in the night a couple years ago and scratching out the Apple logo on the back with an Exacto knife, which might raise the question:  How does a grown man have enough time on his hands to devote that much detail and effort just to make a statement for only his wife to see?  Well, the answer to that particular riddle is that was during the period in which we had no children.  Now we have two children, and poor Chris can't find enough time in the day to search for matching socks, much less destroy one of my possessions. Anyway, Chris wanted to get an iPad because of the gaming possibilities.  What he didn't realize was that he would NEVER get to use the iPad, because once Andy got a hold of it- well, it quickly became his new favorite toy.  Andy could spend hours on the iPad putting together animal puzzles or playing bus ...