"That's Not Food!"

Things That Alex Is Doing At Nap Time 1.  Kicking his bedroom door and calling out for Andy since Andy is the weakest link and most likely to let him out. 2.  Getting naked. 3.  Smearing poop on the curtains and practicing his sorry speech, which shall include the plead of asking that Daddy not throw out his poo poo M&M's.  Mommy gives M&M's out for successful potty poops, pees, and sometimes just for the hell of it.  Daddy throws M&M's straight into the trash if Alex has an accident.  Another instance of what Mommy giveth, Daddy throweth away. 4. Launching self off of top of dresser. 5.  Climbing atop shelves in closet and attempting to do pull-ups on clothing rod.  While naked.  With a couple dingleberries hanging from his hind side. 6.  Systematically emptying every drawer, bin, shelf available as to completely cover the floor in a makeshift toy rug. 7.  Jumping on the bed and then off the bed and hoping...

Alex is turning into quite the demanding young man.  In fact, I fear that one day he may be a demanding husband, the kind of controlling man who picks out his wife's clothes and reprimands her when she accidentally makes eye contact with another man.  Alex has very clear preferences about how I look and what I wear, the most consistent command being: "Hair up!" The answer to this question is possibly Alex. It's not like I wear my hair down all that often, but even if I'm just getting out of bed in the morning, Alex (who is likely the one who woke me from my sleep, standing next to me in a twenty pound pull-up wanting to know where he can find his milk, iPad, and that blue balloon from last week), will barely have to glance over at my face before issuing his statement.  Hair up.  Fix your goddamn hair, woman.  If I dally in putting my hair up, he will go find me a hair tie.  Here.  Take care of yourself. You're a mess.  Hair.  Up. He'l...