"That's Not Food!"

My fine motor skills are incredible.  They would blow your mind if you were to witness them in action.  I can attach a tiny nosepad into an eyeglass frame using a screw the size of a poppy seed.  I can expertly scoop a booger out of a sleeping baby's nose with nary a disturbance.  I can peel an entire sheet of Minion stickers in under two seconds.  Of course, my gross motor skills are simply awful.  I do not run, jump, and I frequently find myself alarmingly close to tumbling down the stairs.  The worst time was when I was doing some angry cleaning, lugging the vacuum cleaner down from the bedroom to the living room with the cord haphazardly hanging loose.  I stuck my foot in a loop formed by the cord and stumbled down a step, somehow catching myself before going all the way down, with vacuum cleaner, to certain death and drywall damage.  Only Alex, Emily, and I were home that day.  I would have had to use my last few breaths to tell Ale...

New Year's Resolutions: Andy:   For God's sake, please be kind to your brother.  Please.  Please stop picking on him and teasing him and pinching him and pushing him down and taunting him and psychologically warping him.  Just leave him alone.  I can't stress how your actions towards Alex create 95% of the stress and unhappiness in this household.  I would yell so much less if you could just stop ... interacting with him altogether.  If you feel like you need to be mean to somebody, go outside and punch a tree.  And while you're out there, shovel the driveway.  It's an embarrassment.  The other 5% of the stress in this household, if you're wondering, comes mostly from two categories: Carpet Imperfections and Hiding From The Schwan's Delivery Man Every Two Weeks.  How DO I get off his sales list?? Also, please stop peeing the bed.  I know it's developmentally normal for you to still occasionally do this, but we have a...