Happy Meal!

What happened to these???

Andy probably gets a Happy Meal about once every three weeks or so.  Happy Meals are ridiculous these days, including only about six French fries (freedom fries?), juice or milk, and a bag of apple slices.  It's the apple slices that really get me.  I remember getting Happy Meals when I was a kid- back when you could SMOKE in a McDonalds.  I'd be eating my Happy Meal, inhaling second hand smoke, eating a big ass bag of fries and pretending the extra long ones were Virginia Slims, and if anybody had tried to offer me a damn apple slice, I probably would have thrown a supersized tantrum.  And even still, with all those fries, fake smoking, and very real second hand smoking, I managed to turn out okay.  Which is one of those arguments that mean nothing because everybody has some horrible tale in which extreme irresponsibility turns out "okay."  My uncle used to run blindfolded and barefooted across I-90, and he turned out okay.  My grandfather was singlehandedly responsible for starting the Korean War, and that turned out okay.  Or so I've been told.

Anyway, I'm off track.  Andy has his Happy Meals about 1.3 times per month.  He is constantly asking for one though- if there's even a glimpse of the golden arches off into the distance, he's begging for a Happy Meal.  I do accept that this makes me a failure on several levels.  When I was pregnant, I wouldn't even look at a canned item for fear of BPA leaching from the can's lining, into my digestive system, right through the baby's placenta, and directly into his brain where it would rapidly retard him or at least make him unable to one day understand sarcasm.  Now I've got a kid who loves junky fast food and recognizes the McDonalds logo at a time when he's still not even certain what a basic circle is, and I, as a parent, use McDonalds sometimes to reward him, thus further building up the Happy Meal as some ultimate, awesome trophy to obtain "if you're good."  Somewhere along the lines, things went wrong.

Sidenote: I will say, when pregnant with Alex, I was much more laid back about the canned food thing. So far, like the Korean War, things have turned out okay. For a baby, he has a decent grasp of simple sarcasm principles.

Last week, after preschool, I took the boys over to the park.  By the time we were done playing, I was starving.  I think Andy was fine because he'd been munching on fruit snacks, a lollipop, and some miscellaneous playground dirt, but I definitely had to eat.  I got the kids into the car and decided to stop at the McDonalds near our house.  I pulled into the drive-thru, rolled down the window, and was greeted by the friendly voice asking what I'd like to order.

Before I could say anything, Andy yelled from the backseat, presumably into the intercom, "HAPPY MEAL!"  Twenty-seven months old, and Andy's already placing orders at a drive-thru.

Amused, I repeated his order, specifying chicken nuggets.  The intercom voice asked what I would like to drink with the Happy Meal.  To which Andy yelled from the backseat, "APPLE JUICE!"

You would honestly assume that Andy went through the drive-thru EVERY GODDAMN DAY, he was that comfortable yelling out his order.  But, no, I assure you it's only 1.3 times per month.  I completed my own order while Andy suggested "Mommy Happy Meal, too!", rolled the car forward to pay at the first window, and when we got to the second window to receive our food, Andy yelled from the backseat:  "Thank you!"

So, at least he's polite.

At home, Andy was eager to dive into his Happy Meal, sucking away at his apple juice, chowing down on his fries and nuggets, and even chomping away at the apple slices.  It's completely normal for Andy to get apple slices in a Happy Meal.  His generation will never know the difference.  Whereas back in the eighties- fruit with our fast food would have been a travesty. Those were also the years that small children were told to be seen and not heard.  My Andy, though, in 2012?  Screaming at the McDonalds intercom, he is heard, but not seen.

And he loves his Happy Meals.