"That's Not Food!"

Alex outgrew his baby carrier about six weeks ago, and I tossed it straight into the trash like a dirty diaper.  You'd think I'd have been more sentimental about the baby carrier that transported both of my infant sons home from the hospital, but nope.  I couldn't even stand to look at the contraption any longer, with its falsely claimed ergonomic, zig-zag handle that wrenched my wrists and its vaguely hideous safari print fabric.  I hated this car seat carrier so much that you might be surprised to know that I registered for this very item, chose it out of dozens, nay hundreds, of other, far superior baby carriers, approximately three years ago.  I was obviously not in my right mind during that trip to Babies R Us, so completely deranged by all the pregnancy hormones and the bags upon bags of pistachios that I so craved during Andy's gestation.  Plus, registering for a baby is like way difficult.  Do you get the crib mattress with the ten year warranty or ...

I have been teaching Andy that, when he meets a new child, he should say, "Hi.  My name is Andy.  What's your name?"  If he says this phrase, then it is certain that he will make a new friend. What's heartbreaking is that he has listened to me and now approaches kids and says, "Hi.  My name is Andy.  What's your name?"  I did not count on the lack of social skills in other children, who mostly dumbly stare at him and do not reply, thus making poor Andy repeat himself a couple times.  "Hi.  My name is Andy.  What's your name?"  I also did not count on him yelling to children down the street, expecting them to hear, understand, and yell back.  "HI.  MY NAME IS ANDY.  WHAT'S YOUR NAME??"   Of course, no one ever yells back BECAUSE THEY'RE DOWN THE BLOCK, and Andy turns to me sadly and says, "They don't say hi back.  They don't say their name." And here's one of the first lessons of life, my dear swee...

I read a lot of books.  In the course of one day, I read no less than ten children's books, plus whatever current adult novel I have on my nightstand for that last hour before bed.  Andy gets three stories before his nap, Alex gets about three baby books before he goes to bed, and then it's another four for Andy right before his bed time.  Andy insists on sitting in for Alex's baby books and will break into sorrowful tears if I dare try to read Alex his books separately while Andy is finishing his bath.  So, Andy gets ten books a day PLUS stories at his preschool PLUS his nightly lion story that I recite from memory right before he goes to sleep.  Andy has got to be the most read to child in the tri-county area.  However, he's also the most infuriating, so you can draw your own conclusions on whether or not that many stories is healthy for a child. It may be getting out of control.  A couple weeks ago, I realized that I had over forty books checked o...