"That's Not Food!"

Andy's been asking for a pet, and we all know how Chris and I feel about dogs .  Cats are even worse, because you basically spend a whole bunch of money on an animal whose feelings about you straddle the line between disdain and outright loathing.  I did at one time contemplate adopting a kitten, but then I saw this cat food commercial where an uppity-looking white cat ate a blend of brown rice, salmon, and spring vegetables off of a gleaming white porcelain plate.  "Forget this whole cat thing!" I howled aloud to no one as a little mustard from my hot dog dripped onto my sweater.  "Ain't no snotty cat eating better than I am!" No dogs, no cats, and certainly nothing that resembles a mouse (i.e., actual mouse, gerbil, or the like). I'd get the kid a pony if only we had a stable.  Snakes are super creepy, turtles are ridiculous looking and require no further comment.  But when Andy asked if he could have a goldfish.... "Yes!"  I proclai...

My mom and my aunt were giggling like maniacs, and my mother waved me over.  "You have to hear what Andy just told us," my aunt said through a guffaw.  "Nancy, you tell her." My mother related the story.  They were asking Andy about how he was going to get a new baby, and apparently Andy had replied, matter-of-factly, "Yep.  There's a baby in my mommy's tummy.  My daddy put it in there with his special tool." Special tool?  Hilarious!  Of course, Andy was just repeating what he had been told by Chris, who should know better than to refer to his wedding tackle as a "special tool."  Obviously, this was going to be repeated.  And some people, like my mother and aunt, were going to be greatly amused by this. Yet other people, like my father for instance, were going to wince and just walk away. Andy's been asking a lot of questions about the mechanics of conceiving and delivering a child.  I have told him the basics without actually ...