Where Babies Come From!

My mom and my aunt were giggling like maniacs, and my mother waved me over.  "You have to hear what Andy just told us," my aunt said through a guffaw.  "Nancy, you tell her."

My mother related the story.  They were asking Andy about how he was going to get a new baby, and apparently Andy had replied, matter-of-factly, "Yep.  There's a baby in my mommy's tummy.  My daddy put it in there with his special tool."

Special tool?  Hilarious!  Of course, Andy was just repeating what he had been told by Chris, who should know better than to refer to his wedding tackle as a "special tool."  Obviously, this was going to be repeated.  And some people, like my mother and aunt, were going to be greatly amused by this. Yet other people, like my father for instance, were going to wince and just walk away.

Andy's been asking a lot of questions about the mechanics of conceiving and delivering a child.  I have told him the basics without actually lying or providing any sort of detail.  The daddy gives the mommy a seed that grows in her tummy.  The doctor takes the baby out at the hospital.  If you want to know more about the latter, don't ask me because I'm not a doctor. Andy has somehow guessed through which part of the human body the baby actually enters the world, but he is very foggy on how mommies get the seed in the first place, and his questions are nonstop and pretty direct.

"How does the daddy give the mommy the seed?"  he's asked.

"I'm not sure," I've replied.  "It just happens."

"When does it happen?"

"Um, when we're sleeping."

"Okay, I have a plan.  You pretend like you're sleeping and I'll watch how Daddy gives you the seed."

"Not the best plan, Andy.  Terrible idea.  Who wants a milk shake?"

"ME!"

And then, dissatisfied with my answers, he's badgered Chris.  "How do you give Mommy the seed?" he's asked.  "How does the seed get into her tummy?"  This four year old of mine will one day make an excellent attorney as his cross-examining skills are virtually unmatched.  As long as none of the jury members smell like they've recently had chocolate, he'll be unstoppable.

"I have a tool," Chris replied after coming up empty.  Clearly, here in the present tense, this wasn't the best of answers.  I can only imagine the announcements Andy is making at preschool about his father's tool. "Who wants cake?"

Andy getting ready to high-five.  But Alex will
kiss you if you get close enough.

Both Andy and Alex are very clear that there's a baby coming eventually, and now that I'm showing a little, they've accepted this phantom member of the family as one of their own.  "Love baby so much!"  Alex cries out randomly.  Alex, though, is the more loving of the two brothers, at least when it comes to people outside our immediate family.  I don't think any child could demonstrate as much love for a mother as Andy does, but as far as being generous with love and loving grandparents, aunts, uncles, and cousins, it's Alex's little heart that overflows with emotion.  He is not stingy with his hugs and kisses like Andy, who reserves them only for me and sometimes Daddy as if there's a finite quality and someone's keeping track.  Andy is adamant on not loving anyone besides the three of us (and the tummy baby only slightly), and while Alex will walk around at a party and give mouth kisses to all the adults, Andy bursts into tears if I senselessly tell him to give his uncle a hug.  "I only give high fives," he'll wail.  "I don't give hugs or kisses.  I don't love these people!  Let's go home. Did I miss quiet time?"

"Love everyone so much," Alex will intone in response.  "Love grandma so much.  Love uncle so much.  Love that lady over there so much."

This whole experience will be pretty interesting.  Andy's reaction to Alex being born was almost non-existent.  Acceptance mixed with two parts mild curiosity, a pinch of affection, and only a dash of disdain.  But that was twenty three month old Andy.  How will five year old Andy react to a new baby?  With the same love that gushes strong for Mommy, Daddy, and Alex?  Or will he be high-fiving the newborn like some great-aunt he sees three times a year?

And Alex, at three years old?  This should be good.  Alex, the baby, very aware of getting bumped out of position by a newer model. I truly think all of this could go either way.

We'll find out late May.  And that's, like, eons away, right?