Mine!

Andy has learned a new word. MINE. The first time I clearly heard him use this word was when we were at a friend's house. He had snatched up a pink ball that belonged to my friend's daughter, J, and when J tried to politely retrieve it, Andy yanked it from her grasp and called out "Mine!" Unfortunately, my first instinct was to inwardly cheer that Andy had learned a new word. Then I remembered that, oh yeah, I'm in charge of raising a human, and my second, slower instinct was to try to remind Andy that NO, the ball was not HIS, it was J's, and if we can't share, then we're going home.

It was especially painful to see Andy being so blatantly selfish with other people's toys because I had earlier witnessed J saying a magic word that I'm not sure I've ever even uttered in front of Andy. "Please," J said sweetly when she asked for more snacks. I was blown away by the utterance of this one word- equally impressed by J and ashamed of myself for not teaching Andy basic, polite manners. When Andy wants more snacks, he just calls out "More!" And I oblige him, haphazardly spilling out raisins or crackers onto his high chair tray while I casually utter swear words under my breath. It never even occurs to me to request that he say "please" when he wants something else.

Earlier in the day, we were at the library when J and her mom showed up. J immediately walked up to another older girl and took her hand in hers as if to say "Let's be friends!" At the same time this was going on, I heard a ruckus somewhere off to my left and looked over to see Andy in a tug-of-war match with another little boy, as they fought over three plastic trays from the library's preschool kitchen and food set. "And that's the difference between boys and girls," I said to my friend as I ran off to try to divide the trays between the two toddlers. Of course, Andy wanted ALL the trays and had a cow when I tried to give the other boy even one of them, but, after a few minutes of screaming, Andy was ultimately distracted by a ball somewhere off in the distance and took off running through the aisles.

After witnessing the "please" and the "mine" later that day, though, I started worrying that maybe there wasn't an inherent difference between boys and girls. Could it be that my friend was just a better mom, actively promoting use of the word "please" and innocent hand holding with grade school strangers? Could it be that my inability to share with others (just ask Chris how I respond if he asks for a sip of my drink) is rubbing off on my son? Do I have to put more effort (more than zero) into teaching Andy how to be even begrudgingly nice? Maybe there is a slight, basic difference between the two genders; I'm not letting this theory totally off the hook. But maybe, just maybe, I'm kind of an ass and am failing my son in some of the first how-to-be-decent lessons of his life.

I am working diligently to cure Andy of his biting problem, though, so I'm not a total parental slacker. I even got him a book at the library yesterday called "Teeth Are Not For Biting!" There's only one problem, though- teeth ARE for biting. Just not for biting people. I tried to explain the error in the book's title to Andy after our maiden read-through, only to become frustrated and throw the book off to the side.

Have I mentioned that Andy also has a problem with throwing things? Ohhh. I see.

God dammit.