Stay At Home What??!!

I made the ever difficult decision of pre-quitting my job. I have told my boss that when baby number two comes on the scene, I won't be returning to work.

I'm about eighty percent sure this is the correct decision. I'm about ten percent certain it is the wrong decision, and the remaining ten percent is full of a bevy of other miscellaneous emotions, including fear of the unknown, worry about impending cabin fever, and the justification that eating nine cookies before bed last night was okay because I am, after all, over-eating before bed time for two.

My obvious fear about not returning to work is my lack of income. The math, however, just didn't work in my favor. Day care for two young kids is really expensive, especially here in the Chicago area. I can't justify working forty hours per week just to net a couple hundo after taxes. And, clearly, if we need that couple hundo, I'm not above putting in fifteen hours per week at a part time job. But I refuse to slave away all week while I'm away from my babies so that I can basically pay the lucky bitches who get to spend all week with them.

Chris is convinced that we'll be fine without my income and that it's a non-issue. For a smart man, though, sometimes Chris is really bad at basic math. Or is that me? I think we both took AP calculus in high school (different high schools, different years, different nap schedules). Chris passed, probably with an A. I got the kind of F that is so F-tastic, it's almost a G. My argument about this F, however, has always been that you have to pretty damn smart to get into AP calculus in the first place. So an F in calculus is still a B+ in life. Except that, no, I'm wrong, it's actually an F.

I digress.

So, the income is one thing, but another major concern I have is this. I am convinced that day care has been an overwhelmingly positive experience for Andy. He has friends that he's come to rely on seeing (like his buddy Bobby, with whom he exchanges hugs and mouth kisses on a daily basis. I am expecting they'll grow out of the mouth kissing... eventually). He is in a preschool setting and every day completes an art project, reads a book, and is taught a "lesson plan." Day care has given him confidence and the kind of socialization that he would have never received if I'd have stayed home with him. It has helped make him into an out-going, well rounded toddler, and I am so worried what taking him out of day care will do to him. I am minorly concerned about keeping the new baby OUT of that setting, but I'm pretty sure that by the time new baby is a toddler, he/she will be put in some kind of day care setting anyway. My career as a stay at home mom is most likely going to be a temporary thing. I mean, let's face it, the professional word is not going to remain in tact very long without me. I'm a key player out there in the land of ... what is it I do again?

Removing Andy from day care is a huge worry for me. In fact, I'm already looking into substitutes so that his little world isn't rocked completely off axis. I'm planning on putting him into the 2 year old preschool program at the park district (we can swing $48 /month on one income, right?), but their preschool program is a bit... short. It's for 90 minutes a day, two days a week. Um, Andy is used to being in "school" five days a week, ten hours a day. What about the other 47 hours he's accustomed to being out and about?

How the hell am I going to keep Andy active, engaged, and busy? How am I going to foster his socialization skills? Especially while I have a needy newborn to tend to?

This is already becoming a major concern. I admit it's possible I may be a little overly concerned. I'm sure Andy will love being at home with me and his little sibling and that we'll find plenty to do to occupy our time. Especially if Andy learns to change diapers.

And, what kid wouldn't rather be with mommy than "stuck" at day care? Perhaps THIS is the way I should be phrasing my upcoming situation. Hopefully, I give day care too much credit and that the move from day care to being with mom and little sib will be so great and healthy for young Andy that it'll be THE BEST thing I've ever done for him as a parent. Just think! All the Sesame Street Andy desires! Getting yelled at for coloring on the walls while Mom sneaks off to the toilet! Overly complicated trips to the park with a double stroller and a bulging diaper bag! Ninety minutes two days a week at preschool! Trips to the library! Play dates with friends! Which reminds me. I need to make some more friends. Married White Female seeking Stay At Home Mom types who have young children and are interested in getting the kids together while we sip margaritas and compare couponing tactics.

Ahh, we'll be fine. We'll have fun. And they say no one has ever regretted staying home with their kids. Hopefully this goes for the kids, too.