Behavior, Binky, Baby Birthing, and Bagels

These last ten weeks of pregnancy are going to be the hardest.

I'm hoping that I actually only have nine weeks left, since I'm gunning for an elective induction the week before my due date.  I hate surprises.  I like to plan.  And doctors probably hate being woken up at two in the morning to come deliver some baby.  So, let's be civilized about this whole matter and just schedule it for a reasonable day and time just like one would a dental check-up.

Ten weeks.  Nine weeks.  Who knows....

The pressure's on, though, both physically and emotionally.  Physically, I feel like my bathing suit area is going to crack open and expel an undercooked baby any day now.  I remember feeling pelvic discomfort the last time I was pregnant, but nothing like what I'm going through now.  I read that this is relatively common and that I should be doing kegels, but every time I start thinking about kegels, I immediately start thinking about how much kegel sounds like bagel, and then suddenly I'm on a mission for a bagel and some cream cheese and I'm pushing through the pain right to the toaster.  I'm slowing down quite a bit, and it's been increasingly harder to carry Andy, stand up after laying down, or bend down to the refrigerator's crisper drawer where I keep all the lettuce.  Thus, I've been trying to strike a balance.  I'm still carrying Andy, but I'm not eating as many salads.

Emotionally- I feel like I've been a wreck.  Just thinking about how this new baby is going to affect the threesome of Andy, Andy's Mommy, and Andy's Daddy gets me feeling all sick and teary-eyed.  This is NOT to say that I'm not looking forward to meeting the fourth member of our family and holding my new son.  But- I know things are about to change, and it's not going to be easy.  I can only hope that Andy surprises me by being the kind of kid that takes immediately to being a big brother and sharing his mother's time and affection.  I'm pretty sure it's not going to work out this way, though.  If I hold another baby, Andy resorts to physically abusing that other baby, as witnessed a couple weeks ago when I tried to- hold another baby.  At day care when I pick him up, all the kids run up to me when I walk in the door (I'm confident every Mom/Dad gets that reaction), and Andy systematically pushes and slaps away all of the other kids surrounding us as if to say, "Get away, you vulture, this one's MINE."  Now, none of those kids are his flesh and blood relative, and that's a key point to consider, but Andy does not want me giving attention to anyone but him- and has recently (in a fashion that is heart-sinkingly adorable) started referring to me as "My Mommy."  As in- not YOUR mommy- MY MOMMY.

Mine and mine alone.

Aside from all that, we've been having some behavioral issues.  Andy has entered that period of time known as the "Terrific Twos."  Wait, I think I have one of those words wrong.  The "Terrific Twenty-One Months."  He's been throwing tantrums, testing me, hitting me, biting me, and has, at times, been completely- unmanageable.  I use the word unmanageable because I have not yet found a way to manage him.  This is because my parenting style is of the softy, lovey-dovey, my-baby-can-do-no-wrong, let's-just-hug-it-out style.  Only in the past week or so have I come to realize that this style ain't working.  I fear that I am on my way to raising a supreme brat unless I start putting my foot down more and giving firm and consistent consequences.  It's ridiculous that it's taken me this long to figure it out, but better now than in two months when I have a newborn to deal with on top of all this.  That is why Andy has spent several sessions in his new time-out area- a place that he can't get to me and is all his own to cry it out after he has been willfully disobedient. 

It's Detroit.  A small, abandoned warehouse in Detroit.

No, it's the pack and play.  Andy's not allowed to go to Detroit.

The pack and play is working pretty good.  It contains him for his time out period and give him a safe place to scream.  It works way better than my other method of trying to physically restrain him on the sofa in the front room.  That sort of time-out session always escalated into an even worse tantrum, and I feel like Andy was never learning anything and was still getting my attention.  This way- he's not. 

Of course, once the new baby arrives and starts using the pack and play, we'll have to find a new time-out area for Andy.  UNLESS- Andy's behavior drastically improves by then and he no longer requires time-outs?  Can that happen?  Yesterday was already a better evening than Monday and Tuesday and the weekend- is it possible that these kids are quicker to train than I originally thought?  Wouldn't THAT be something!

There's another issue here, though, which has been weighing on my mind.  Andy's behavior has gotten so much worse since we started trying to actively wean him from the pacifier.  I keep going back and forth on how to handle this whole thing.  Sunday was an epic fail- Andy threw a monster fit in the library, Chris took him outside to calm down, and then, when we got to the car, we caved and passed him back a binky.  Instantly, Andy was calm and quiet.  He even sat there calmly, in a totally chill and quiet mood, while Chris and I stopped for milkshakes at Dairy Queen.  We didn't get Andy a milkshake.  As Chris pointed out, Andy's not old enough to know yet that he SHOULD be getting ice cream whenever the family goes to Dairy Queen.  And, as I pointed out, he was happy as a clam with just his stupid binky.  So why spend the extra three dollars?  Why not just thoroughly enjoy a milkshake in front of your kid like some kind of horrible, selfish parent?  Exactly.

Then we got home, Chris promptly fell asleep on the couch (in literally five seconds, he truly has a gift) and I was too tired, pregnant, and crabby to deal with being the bad guy- so Andy basically had his binky in his mouth until bed time.  And then it was bed time, and that's when Andy is "allowed" his binky, so he didn't exactly have the binky *until* bedtime- he had it *through* bed time- and into the next morning.

This has been a struggle.

Here's the problem.  Andy loves his binky.  And I love Andy.  Because I love Andy, I'm torn between trying to take the binky away for his own good and letting him just have it when he feels like he needs it because, after all, he's not even two, he's still got teeth coming in, he really relies on it for comfort, etc, etc.  And yet I know that now is the time to get this under control because, as you may recall, the new baby will be here in June and then, for serious, what are the odds of Andy relinquishing HIS binky when the baby gets one?  Because I'm dealing with this internal conflict, my message to Andy has been very mixed.  I've tried hard to stick with giving it to him only at nap times and bed times, with the ultimate goal being to get down to just that and then just at bed time and then... poof, binky gone... but- this is hard.  I feel like it's almost as hard on me as it is on him.  When he wants it, he really wants it.  He begs for it, stuffs blankets and other objects into his mouth, and looks at me with the most betrayed look I've ever seen, and sobs so hard my heart just breaks.  

I try to distract him and be firm about it as much as I can- but there reaches a point where I just let him have it, with the hopes of hiding it again once he's gotten his fix- and of course THAT makes me feel sooooo guilty, like the world's worst mother who will have the world's biggest baby, with misaligned teeth and delayed speech all because he had his binky an extra hour a day back when he was twenty-one months old.

I seriously don't know what to do about this.  We're not at the point of me snipping the ends of the binkies since I really wanted to try and do this gradually- but maybe I should?  Is the best way to do this cold turkey and deal with all the screaming and tantrums and awfulness for a solid four days or so?  Or maybe I should just let him have it when he truly "needs" it while still making a very strong effort to keep it away as much as possible- and let Andy wean as gradually as he needs to it? And, in that scenario, am I allowed to cut myself a break and not feel so awful and like a failure as a mother when I look over at my sweet little boy hugging his teddy bear and relaxing with a bink in his mouth?  Also, in this scenario, does cutting Andy a little slack for now on the binkies correlate with his tantrums not being so out of control?

I want those answers to be yes.  But I also want to do what's right.  As you can imagine, this is a major conundrum.  It's weighed on my mind much heavier than other recent problems I've had, including the whole "Should I be doing kegels or eating a bagel?" situation I brought up earlier.

See how this blog entry has gone full circle?

That's what I've got.  Ten (or nine?) weeks left, a little wild man I'm trying to tame, and the on-going pacifier struggle.  On the bright side, my weight gain is still fabulously under control, every evening I get to unwind with an episode of "Breaking Bad" (LOVE that show!), and I get to meet my new son soon enough- and be pleasantly surprised and proud by all the hugs, kisses, and cuddles my eldest son bestows upon him.