Tuesday, April 3, 2012

That Blasted Binky!

Andy loves his binky, but we try not to give it to him too often, unless, of course, he wants it.

When we are at home, Andy has his binky in his mouth basically all the time. When he can't find it, he wanders around the house moaning, "My! My!" We can only assume that this is Andy-shorthand for "My goddamn binky- where is it??" Sometimes, Andy becomes desperate and manages to fashion other items into a temporary binky. I've caught him with his Mickey Mouse doll, Mickey's round black nose jammed firmly into Andy's mouth as he tries his best to make do. The other day, Andy was walking around with a rubber ducky sticking out of his face, pathetically slurping on the head of the rubber ducky and looking up at me as if to say, "You. You drove me to this. Where. Is. My. BINKY?"

Cleaning house, with binky.
For the most part, though, I haven't forced Andy to rely on his inventiveness and find other acceptable sucking solutions. Part of me is afraid that he'll discover his thumb, and that would be an even bigger problem. There would be no cutting off his thumb when it was time to put our foot down, and he'd end up having the tell-tale red, wrinkled thumb that all thumb-sucking kids develop, the one that tips them off to the bullies that they're an easy target and are one veiled threat away from pissing their pants. If he wants his binky, I pretty much just hand it to him. "We'll start weaning him off of this tomorrow," I say to myself, watching as Andy's face instantly relaxes the second the binky nub hits his lips. And then I reward myself with two servings of ice cream for being such an excellent parent.

A baby's pacifier strikes me as very similiar to cigarettes for a small child. The binky takes the edge off, but it's an increasingly unacceptable habit. I have this vision of Andy disappearing on me, and then finding him out back, leaning up against the house while he alternates between sucks on his binky and gulps from a can of Baby Coors.

I feel like the "tomorrow" in which we need to wean Andy from his binky is rapidly approaching, though. I've done some precursory research on the old interweb, which has proven to be mostly inadequate. None of the experts can seem to agree on when a child must stop using the binky. Some say babies should stop at the age of one. Others say two. Surprisingly, still others say "between three and four." I'm half-tempted to stick with one of the more forgiving "between three and four" experts and just let Andy have at it for now. I totally would, too, except I've seen some of the books these experts have written, and they have such titles like "If The Baby Wants A Pepsi, Just Give Him A Pepsi," "Tried and True Parenting Techniques Of The Occasionally Sober," "The Stinkier The Diaper, The Better Off You Are Waiting For Your Husband To Get Home," and "Who Needs A Crib When You Got A Box?"

Don't get me wrong- these are all finely written books. And while I agree with some of the parenting advice given (I think Andy would LOVE sleeping in a cardboard box!), I'm thinking that I should work to wean from the binky now. Or, at least, soon. By tomorrow, for sure.

Andy trusts me with his binky, so I have a small amount of guilt when it comes to taking it away from him. When he takes it out to eat food or during some of the activities that I've arbitrarily set up "No Binky" rules for (No binkies in the bath! No binkies in the stroller! No binkies when we're discussing anything that happened pre-Obama! No binkies if your feet smell!), he hands it to me and says "Thank you." It's one of the few times he says "Thank you," but he always says "Thank you" when he hands me his binky. I believe he is saying, "This is THE most important thing in my life. I trust you with it because you're my mother and would never do anything to hurt me. Thank you for taking such good care of what is basically a piece of my soul, and, yes, I'll be asking for that back in about three minutes."

Of course, when Andy says, "Thank you," it sounds more like "Dick You," but we all get the point.

As of now, I think the first step will be to allow binky usage in the crib and in the crib only. Then, once that's been established, we can figure out how to eradicate binky suckage entirely. This sounds like a pretty solid plan, except for the fact that limiting the usage is going to be a nightmare. That Andy, when he wants something, he makes it very clear that he wants something, and is not going to let up until he gets it. He's RELENTLESS.

"My My!" Binky.

"Shoes!" To go outside.

"Cookie!" Cookie. I blame "Sesame Street." And myself, for letting him have cookies.

"Uppies!" To be picked up.

"No!" Boy, do I hear this one a lot.

"Mommy!" I've disappeared for two minutes, and this displeases Andy.

"More." Something amazing just happened (such as the appearance of a cookie) and we won't be satisfied until we've had three hours worth.

It's pretty shameful that the binky removal aspect of parenting falls under the "I know I should and I definitely will but I don't have the energy today" category, but it totally does. I keep reminding myself that getting rid of bottles back in December/January ended up being *relatively* painless, so perhaps binky eradication will end up being okay, too. That category, by the way, is not just for parenting, but for life in general. So, I'm not a lazy mom, I'm a lazy person. That somehow makes all this more palatable.

I'd be okay setting the limit of "age 2" for the binky except for the fact that I've got this built in time line, now. The new baby is forcing things to happen less organically than they probably would have. The binky is one example, as is the big boy bed. I want to move Andy to the big boy bed before the baby is born so that he doesn't connect the dots too easily that the baby is taking over his crib. That means that I'm planning on moving Andy to the bed some time in May (holy crap, is that next month??), regardless of whether or not he's ready. I don't know if this is the correct approach to raising a child- making decisions based more on an outside need rather than what the child is ready for- but it's kind of what I'm going with. And, hey, I'm pretty sure I just finished reading a book called "How To Teach Your Toddler To Just Man Up Already," so at least ONE expert agrees.

Anyway, wish us luck with the binky. Some hard core binky tough love starts- tomorrow.

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