Excuses!

As we approach baby day, I'd like to tie up a few loose ends.  Here are two things I blogged about accomplishing with Andy before the baby came along:

Switching him to a big boy bed.

Potty training.

Fail on both items.  It's easy to talk big when you're a sprightly twenty-three weeks along and can still comfortably get around, bend down, see your feet, and wear shirts that couldn't accurately be described as "muu-muus."  Then, however, things take a turn, and not only does your body start to expand and become essentially useless as anything other than a baby vessel and incinerator for cookies, but you also start to quickly lose motivation.  Potty training?  Nope.  Switching to a big boy bed?  Nope.  Shaving your legs?  Not so much.

I realized quickly that the potty training just wasn't going to happen.  Andy's at day care five days a week where they do not work on potty training until the kids hit the two year old room.  I'm a little upset that I won't be able to utilize day care's help with Andy's potty training, since he's being pulled from day care next week.  I guess I'm going to have to potty train this kid on my own, like some kind of stay at home sucker.  Boy, was my timing off.

Shut up, clip art.

I so appreciate day care's commitment to potty training, though.  I always seem to show up at potty time.  I have to walk past the kiddie bathroom to get to Andy's classroom, and there's usually about six kids standing around in the bathroom, the door wide open as to afford a good view to any nearby perverts.  One kid sits on the toilet at a time while the teacher calls out encouraging words about pee-pee.  The other kids just watch, keep themselves busy by unspooling toilet paper, or look out at the passerbys in the hallway and offer a friendly wave.  I can't imagine being that day care teacher, the one that herds the kids into the bathroom several times a day only to spend half an hour rotating them on and off the potty.  At some point, I'm sure that teacher questions where her life went wrong.  Especially when one of the kids NOT on the toilet lets out a poop.  Which I'm sure must happen every day.

Anyway, aside from the excuse of "day care's not working on it yet so why should I," I also personally ran out of steam pretty quickly in my decision to potty train Andy before baby arrived.  It became clear, quickly, that I wasn't going to have the energy or effort to devote to something that Andy didn't seem that interested in anyway.  Sure, I half-heartedly call out, "Hey, you need to poop?" here and there to see if I can catch Andy "in the mood."  But, for the most part, I decided to table the whole thing.  With the baby's arrival, Andy would likely regress anyway, and, at this point, I have pushed out my goal of potty training this kid until the fall, when the baby has been around for a solid three months and Andy starts "big boy" preschool where, hopefully, they will encourage use of the potty.  In a bathroom crammed with no less than six other children.

Then, there's the big boy bed situation.  I just haven't had the heart to take him out of his crib yet.  Andy has never tried to climb out, and I love the fact that the crib keeps him jailed throughout the night.  Now, why would I unjail Andy when he's content being stuck in there?  I use the word "content" loosely, as his screams indicating he's awake and wants out in the early morning hours do not sound like they are being emitted from a little boy who's "content."  But he's STUCK there, which is what I'm focusing on.  He can't get out.  He can't escape, can't run into my room at three in the morning, can't climb out and take a dip in the toilet, turn on the television, or climb up onto the chair to use the computer and update my Facebook status with hilarious posts.  "Jackie Berger eats her own boogers!  Ha!"

That being said, I only have ONE crib, and the baby will have to use it at some point near the end of the summer.  So, I KNOW that the transition of Andy from crib jail to bed freedom will have to take place soon, around his second birthday, and will have to occur at least a couple weeks in advance of the baby taking over the crib.  Maybe for Andy's second birthday in July, we'll wrap up his dinosaur comforter set as a gift and make a big event out of him getting his own bed for his birthday.  Do you think that will work? Will he fall for his own bed being a birthday gift?  And is it okay to completely baby-proof his bedroom and then stick up a gate in the doorway so that he still can't get out of his room- essentially making the whole damn bedroom one giant crib?  A giant crib filled with electrical outlets- and a smaller crib that features a loud, crying baby?

Ah, sigh.

So, on those two "to do" items, I didn't do so great.  However, I would like to point out the following successes I've had:

Breaking Andy of the binky habit.

Taking his bottles away far in advance of the new baby's arrival.

Teaching Andy how to turn on the television himself.

Enrolling Andy in basic cooking classes so that he can prepare his own mac and cheese this summer.

Well, that last one I'm still working on.  But wouldn't that be something, if I could get Andy to cook.  And do the dishes afterward.  And maybe accomplish some grocery shopping here and there.  But since Andy can't drive, he'd probably have to order off of Peapod.  Which I'm sure he could do- I'll just tape my credit card information to one arm and a grocery list (with pictures, since he can't read) to another.  Yes ma'am, things are going to work out just fine!