Putting the "F" in FMLA!

I noticed that one of Andy's school mates was absent last Thursday, and on Tuesday I asked her mom, "Oh, was Mia sick last week?"

"Yeah, she was just a little under the weather, so I kept her home," her mom replied. "She had a sniffle and was a little mopier than usual."

This is one of the differences, I've noticed, between the two realms occupied by (a) the stay at home moms and (b) the working moms.  As a former working mom, Andy would have to be more than "just a little under the weather" in order for me to keep him home.  A sniffle?  Mopier than usual?  Forget it.  Andy would have to be bleeding profusely from at least two separate wounds and/or running a fever of equal to or greater than 102 accompanied by occasional, but measurable spells of losing consciousness before I would consider keeping him home.  That's the general litmus test I used to use back when Andy was in day care, and I'm pretty sure it's going to hold true to preschool.  Every class works out to be, what, twenty bucks?  So for me to lose twenty bucks and my two hours of free time (having only Alex for those two hours TOTALLY counts as free time), you're going to have to be pretty f-ing sick.  And willing to exchange preschool time for nap time.  Just to be clear, I mean EXTRA nap time, in addition to normal nap time.

Anyway, sending a sick kid to day care is something every working mother has done.  Do we feel guilty about it?  Oh, sure.  Do we feel bad about possibly infecting the other children? Oh, yes, the poor children.  Do we avoid eye contact with the day care teachers when dropping off our "under the weather" child in the morning?  Absolutely.  In order to make the whole thing work, the working mom in question has to be very good at playing dumb.  Which, I might add, is also very helpful in the corporate world.  What?  You needed that report done last Monday?  I'm not allowed to put white-out on legal documents??  Oh, that red light means I have a voicemail???  Well, shit!

So, we cheerfully drop off our sick kids at day care because we have to get to work, whispering into our toddler's ear, "Try not to rub your eye too much and act too 'pink eye-ish,' okay?"

Plus, it's so much easier to leave work after day care calls to ask how you had no idea your son had a fever, diarrhea, AND a wicked case of hives than to call in that morning lamely excusing yourself because your kid is sick.  Having day care call and demand you come pick up your damn kid is such a more legitimate excuse than to say you're not coming in at all, with no official day care type person to back up the claim.  It makes the whole sick kid scenario so much more real to the bosses.  Plus, if day care doesn't realize your kid is sick for, like, two hours or so, you might get away with only taking a half day at work.  In a society with such limited sick leave, it's best to divide that leave up into neat little segments as best you can.  Can I take a quarter day?  A one third day?  Can I make up my missing time by shortening my lunch hours by five minutes for the next forty-three days?

Of course, because every mom is sending their sick kid to day care, every kid at day care is always sick.  Andy had one single cold that lasted eleven months straight when he was a baby.  Then, he got over that cold, and one week later came down with a new cold that lasted five months.  By abiding by Mia's mom's "keep your under the weather kid home" mentality, I would have had to call Andy out for SIXTEEN MONTHS STRAIGHT.  Which, in retrospect, would have been pretty awesome.  How long can you get that FMLA for anyway?

But the studies say that the day care babies have the better immune systems by the time they're five and off to kindergarten.  Yes, actual studies, like with numbers and people with initials after their names.  It will be interesting to see how Alex's immune system fares against Andy's.  Actually, I look forward to discovering all the differences between Andy and Alex, since Alex's first two years will be so different than Andy's first two years.  Day care versus mommy.  Only child versus older sibling.  First time mommy who changes baby's diaper every two hours on the nose versus second time mommy who changes baby's diaper... oh, man, how long has it been dark out?  Did we even eat lunch today?  Ah, well.

But of course, although I look forward to discovering the differences between the two boys, I have vowed to never actively compare them.  At least not aloud.  No, I certainly won't ever say, out loud, which kid is the overall better one.  That would just be poor parenting.

Now everybody wipe your noses nice and good- it's time for preschool.