Thursday, November 1, 2012

Andy BUS!

Andy was a bus for Halloween. We (Chris) transformed a diaper box, some yellow wrapping paper, and a handful of craft supplies into what was arguably the best costume, two year old division, this side of Lake County. By "this side," I mean the wrong side, the side that ISN'T near Lake Michigan. It would be nice if this small tidbit were noted by our tax assessor next spring.

Originally, Andy was going to be Cookie Monster for Halloween, since he does an admirable impression of the crazed blue dude. Then I looked up Cookie Monster costumes online. Forty dollars for some blue fabric with a couple of eyes glued onto a hood? Seriously, what kind of schmucks do the Halloween costume people think we are? I flat out refuse to spend forty dollars on a costume for a two year old, and this is not just because I'm cheap- it's the PRINCIPLE, dammit. Also, I can think of a million better ways to spend forty dollars, including the following:

- Forty boxes of graham crackers from the dollar store, each box containing three individually wrapped, stay-fresh sleeves. Damn, that's a lot of graham crackers!

- Five months of DVD only Netflix service, five months of streaming only Netflix service, or two and a half months of both!

- Approximately nine million paper clips.

- Enough gasoline to get from THIS side of Lake County to the OTHER side of Lake County, have a modest lunch, buy some socks, and then drive home. That's way more excitement than a single Cookie Monster costume can provide. I assume.

Anyway, after I decided that the Cookie Monster costume was not happening, and that I would much rather spend my forty dollars on a combination of crackers, movies, and office supplies, I decided to just ask Andy what he wanted to be for Halloween.

"Andy, what do you want to be for Halloween?"

After a brief moment of thought: "Princess!"

Oh, Christ. I asked him again, "Okay, what's your second choice?"

Andy paused, then yelled, "BUS!"

OF COURSE. Of course Andy should be a bus for Halloween! Immediately, the gears started turning. Diaper box, art supplies, a couple hours of time- done. I was very excited to tell Chris when he got home: Andy was going to be the fricking BUS for Halloween!

I said to Chris, "Guess what! I'm making Andy a bus costume!"

To which Chris replied, "No, you're not."

Chris and I have been together almost ten years. He knows me pretty well. And he knows that I lack attention to detail. Like, in a major way. I am big picture, get it done, let's get this over with. I slap things together, gloss over details, hurry through projects, and flat out tell lies in order to get through questions involving shitty tasks I've worked on.

Chris, to me, about five months ago: "This is a dumb question, but did you paint my office?"

Me, quickly: "No."

Chris: "Because it looks like there are patches of glossy paint over the matte paint, and it looks like someone tried to touch up the wall using the wrong finish."

Me: "I don't know what you're talking about."

Chris: "Am I going crazy? I could swear it wasn't like this yesterday."

Me: "I'm nine months pregnant, why would I paint a wall?"

Chris: "Okay, maybe I'm losing my mind. I'm sorry to accuse you."

Me, after a pause: "Alright, I painted your wall."

Anyway, so Chris immediately took control of the bus project, which is what I was hoping would happen. If I would have made Andy's bus, it might have looked... okay... but it wouldn't have looked... good. Or great, as Chris' bus ended up looking. Chris has incredible attention to detail. This can be an annoying trait since it takes him SOOOO LONG to get things done, but if you're looking for an awesome homemade costume in about ten days, then Chris is clearly your man. By the time Chris was done with Andy's bus, it really looked like a bus. A good bus. A fast bus. The kind of bus you'd actually want to take a ride in, if the driver wasn't two years old and prone to pooping himself.

Andy loved his costume. He loved that the bus had tap lights for headlights and that his costume lit up. He loved that the bus had wheels, that he fit perfect inside of it, and that he felt like he was actually driving it. And it was a hit when Andy went out trick or treating- all three times!

Andy, trick or treating, was adorable. He called out, "Knock knock!" when we approached houses, sometimes remembered to say "Trick or treat," and usually remembered the "thank you." But what was even cuter was later in the evening, when we were at home, and Andy got to hand the candy out to the other kids. He ate his dinner (grilled cheese, followed with a chaser of candy) next to the front door so that he could be ready for the kids. When we opened the door for trick or treaters, Andy was very careful about handing out the candy and dropping two pieces each into the kids' bags, saying, "Here you go!" to each and every person. In fact, he may have liked handing out the candy just as much as wearing the bus and trick and treating. But it's hard to tell with him, that kid's an enigma.

Alex got to be the hot dog, wearing the hot dog costume that Andy wore two years ago for his first Halloween. The hot dog, unfortunately, was not homemade. But it's cute and funny and gave me a better excuse than usual to refer to Alex as a wiener. In two years, when Alex has some strange obsession with conversion vans or rickshaws or whatever mode of transportation he enjoys- then we'll get down to business. For this year, though, the hot dog costume (a reasonable five dollars at Target two years ago), definitely got the job done.

And the job was "precious little wiener."

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