I'm Mean!

Lately, whenever Andy starts getting angry or frustrated, he sets his face in a scowl and declares, "I'm mean!"  He will then follow this proclamation up with a mean act, such as shoving, pushing, violently dumping half a gallon of water onto the floor, or hurtfully stating, "I don't like Mommy.  I want a new Mommy named Jackie. I want another Jackie."  This last statement occurred a week ago in the car, and he spied another dark haired, vaguely half-Italian woman in an SUV driving next to us.  "Stop the car," he yelled.  "I want that Jackie!"  I tried to explain that the odds of that woman also being named Jackie were pretty slim.  Perhaps she was a Jacquie.**

Today, I had to scold Andy for standing on two chairs, one foot precariously perched on the edge of each chair as he tottered backwards towards a future consisting of a cracked skull followed by a lovingly administered beating.  We had been having fun until Andy decided to take it to the next level, and he did not like me telling him no.  Instantly, he became unlikable Andy, yelling out, "I'm mean!"

I explained to him, as I often do, that it is not good to be mean, that mean people have no friends.  He replied, today, "I'll have mean friends!  My friends will be mean, too!"  His logic was completely sound, and suddenly I had no argument.  Instead, I pictured a sixteen year old mean Andy coming home with his mean friends. They would trash my kitchen, brandish firearms for fun, spit in the sink, and say disrespectful things about nice young ladies.  They would stand on all of my chairs and proceed to smack Alex in the head with every last toy they could get their hands on while I anxiously tried to give each of them a time out.

Do I think Andy will actually grow up to be a mean boy?  Of course not.  I am watching Andy grow, and I see a sweet, goofy nerd in the making. I mean this in the best, most endearing way possible.  Sometimes, after he makes a mistake or does something unintentionally silly, he emits this dorky little laugh that starts with an embarrassed exclamation of "Oh!" He says, "Oh!  Heh heh heh heh." He respects authority (as long as it's not coming from me) and was the star pupil at story time last week, where I watched him determinedly listen to the librarian and follow her directions to a tee while the other kids seemed hell bent on ruining it for the rest of us.  He tries very hard to please other children and gets sad if they don't seem interested in him.  As a sidenote, at the zoo two weeks ago, he tried very hard to say hello to a giraffe who did not say hi back.  This was very disturbing to him.  He also loves the computer and the iPad and can easily spend a whole day reading books with me.  Now, these little factoids do not a nerd make.  But, come on.  He's spawned from me, and more importantly, Chris.  Nerd alert!

Andy has been working on not being so mean to Alex.  There have been vast improvements in even just the past two weeks or so.  I have told Andy that if Alex was bothering him or trying to take his toys, he should just ask me for help instead of viciously bonking him in the head with, let's just use a random example here, his TOY HAMMER.  So, now, to further add to the nerdiness, Andy is now the world's, or household's, biggest tattletale, yelling, "Mommy!  Take Alex!" or  "Mommy!  Wipe this off!"  after Alex has inserted any number of Andy's cars into his mouth.  This is definitely preferable than the violence, but now I am starting to feel like I am going to spend the next fifteen years prying well-meaning Alex away from Andy's things while explaining to Alex,  "No, Andy was using that."  And, explaining to Alex, "Andy's just being a dick."

I am definitely seeing Alex's interest in everything Andy grow by the day.  Whatever Andy is doing, Alex wants in.  Whatever Andy is eating, Alex wants a taste. If Andy's on the toilet, Alex wants to look, at which Andy will balk, "Mommy!  Get him away."  I'd like to yell back, "WELL NOW YOU KNOW HOW IT FEELS!" to Andy, but I'm classier than that.  Also, sometimes I think Alex is waiting for Andy, who has a slightly later bedtime than the baby, to enter the bedroom at night before he'll consider falling asleep.

I wonder if there's a small window of future where they will be mean boys together, ganging up on me during trying times.  Or, if they will be nerds together, playing complicated games with Chris will I'm all by myself watching TV dramas.  I guess it'll be column A, column B, and then the unimaginable columns C through Z.  That's the thing about these kids.  They're their own people and they'll have facets of personality so much richer than a geeky laugh or a bold statement of being not nice while standing on furniture as little kids tend to do.

** After this declaration of wanting a different Jackie, Andy promptly fell asleep.  He had been denied a nap that day and was clearly overtired.  After all, I am the BEST Jackie, and he knows it. When he woke up after we pulled into the driveway, his first words were, "I love you, Mommy." So I have decided to forgive him.  Eventually.