Friday, March 21, 2014

Take Down Your Christmas Crap!

Alex is confused.  If he could construct sentences, I'm sure he'd say, "Is it Christmas again?  Is it STILL Christmas?  What's going on out here?  Am I getting more toys or not?"


We've survived the polar vortex.  It's over, folks.  The snow has melted, and although I empathize with how cold and lazy it is out there, it's time to put your Christmas junk away.  At this point, you should just be embarrassed.  I wish I could say it was only one or two houses in my neighborhood that still have decorations out, but it's literally every third house.

This is why we don't bother to put outdoor decorations up in the first place.  Actually, there's a couple reasons.  Here's the complete list.

1.  Don't want to.
2.  If you put them up, then, yes you have to take them down BY FEBRUARY AT THE LATEST PLEASE.
3.  I can think of about ten thousand other things I'd rather spend money on than a fake Santa for the yard. Such as boots and sandals for my kids.  I have recently realized that Andy only has one type of all purpose shoe.  No snow boots, rain boots, sandals, dress shoes, pool shoes, etc.  Just sneakers.  Size nine.  And I think he technically is a size ten.  
4.  Where do you people store this stuff the other eleven (or seven) months?
5.  Nothing screams waste of time like putting out decorations.  I mean, don't you people have Netflix?

That being said, my kids do enjoy the Christmas lights on our block during actual Christmas time.  And yet Andy has an inherent understanding that while other houses are all lit up and pretty, Mommy and Daddy don't venture out into the yard during the winter unless the house is on fire in at least two separate rooms.

I'm not a decoration person to begin with.  My sister has decorations for every holiday of the year, and while her home is always inviting and festive, I can't help but look at her pumpkin place mats and Casimir Pulaski towel set and think, "Where do you keep this stuff year round?"  And "How do you find the time/energy to switch this stuff out constantly?"  I applaud the time and energy (perhaps she drinks less wine than I do), but the storage issue is huge.  Space is at a premium in our house, which is why I've slowly been getting rid of the prized possessions of both my husband and children. Snowman mug set?  Goodwill.  Apple corer Chris bought at Goodwill that time we went to donate the mug set?  Garbage.  Andy's loud police car that somehow works even when I take the batteries out?  Garbage in front of Goodwill.

(I don't mean to imply that the snowman mug set has ever been one of Chris' prized possessions, but Chris prizes all of his possessions and is reluctant to part with anything, whereas I've tossed out perfectly fine watches before just because I didn't want to have to deal with getting new batteries for them.)

((However, the apple corer is a prized possession of Chris', despite the fact that he hasn't eaten an apple in at least half a decade.  This is why I haven't actually thrown out the apple corer yet- you can call off the divorce lawyer, Chris, your useless hunk of garbage is safe for now.))

But, of course, I'm getting off track.  Please take down your Christmas decorations if you haven't already. You are filling my children's heads with false notions of gift receiving and the confusion of what impending Easter will bring.  Also, it just looks bad.  And this is coming from the house that once purposefully grew a seven foot weed outside their front door just for kicks.  Sooo.... you know it must be super bad.

Sigh.  I miss that weed.

1 comment:

  1. Our neighborhood has at least ten house with Xmas decor still up. I was pleased to see a few folks working to remove them yesterday. O'Hare airport still has dead flowers in hanging baskets on all the lightpoles (leftover from Fall), along with dead Xmas wreaths on certain fixtures and buildings. It's a very attractive way to say "Welcome to Chicago" to travelers as they arrive.

    Hey, but Christmas is only nine months away.

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