One Word!

Alex's two year appointment looms on the horizon, and I am anxious for the developmental questions.  I remember at Andy's two year appointment, they asked me if he could stack six blocks.  To which I immediately thought, "Blocks!  Damn!  Blocks!  I FORGOT ALL ABOUT BLOCKS."  I answered, tentatively, yes, and then shuttled Andy back home where I managed to dig up six blocks and command him to stack them.  Which, thankfully, he could, otherwise I would have had to live with a huge lie weighing on my conscious.

The nurses are totally going to ask me about Alex's speech.  At fifteen months, they asked me how many words he could string together.  The answer to that riddle was zero.  Capital Z, Zero.  Nothing.  Now, at almost two years old, Alex says words, but only one at a time, unless you count "all done," which I'm pretty sure Alex considers to be one compound word.  Alldone.

The thing is, Alex's one word has lately tended towards the concise, the brief, the somewhat accurate.  He will say one word and one word only, but that one word speaks volumes as to what he means.  Here are some examples.

"Sausage."  The kid says "sausage" a lot in the morning.  "Sausage" means:  Hey, lady.  I want some breakfast.  Some pancakes, sausage, and fruit.  I will eat the sausage and fruit and I will look disdainfully at the pancakes for about two seconds before I pronounce "Alldone."

"Help."  As in, "Help.  This toy is not working the way the manufacturer intended.  What are the recommended ages for this damn thing anyway?"

"iPad."  The command of "iPad" is always followed by patting me on the chest and adding, "Mama."  This means, "I'd like to use the iPad but I need your assistance."  Hey, wait a minute.  Does this count as stringing words together???

"Milk."  I'm f-cking tired.  Put some milk in that bottle type thing we've fooled ourselves into thinking is a cup and put me in my damn crib.

"Park."  Hey, let's go the park.  Watch me fly down the slide as if it's buttered and land on my ass in the dirt and cry.

"Andy."  Where did Andy go?  I need someone to pinch.

"Teddy."  Or "Mumma."  Or "Puppy."  or "Lion."  or "Ball."  These are the items that must be in the crib.  Fetch them, please.

"Ayya."  This is how Alex says Alex.  Ayya.  I can't wait until he finds out his name is actually Alexander.  Ayya-anda?

"Airplane."  Did you see that up in the sky?  It's an airplane.  Yep, there it goes.  Airplane.

"Poo-poo."  This one can be misleading.  Does it mean he's already gone or he has to go?  Tread lightly if you hear this one.  Don't make assumptions, assumptions only make an ass out of you and umptions.

"Up."  Pick me up because I need something and I can't tell you what I need, you have to guess.  Fun game! Let's start with the pantry and go from there.

"Door."  Somebody shut the damn door and I can't get out.  Who closed this door?  Was it me?  Crap. Open this door!!!!

"Me!"  This is my favorite.  Whenever I start a question with "Who...?", Alex chimes in "Me!"  Who wants to play a game?  Who wants a cookie?  Sometimes I mix it up for fun.  Who wants a plate of green beans? Who wants to go straight to bed?  Who wants to adopt Max and Ruby since they're obviously orphans?

"Mama."  And this means everything.  Mama.  Where are you?  Mama.  I need you.  Mama.  I just woke up.  Mama.  I'm hungry.  Mama.  Let's play.  Mama.  I fell down.  Mama.  Put my socks on.  Mama.  Sit next to me.  Mama.  Make my two year appointment with doctor.  Mama, I promise we will pass the quiz.  I will get most of the development questions exactly right.  Mama, the one word thing is normal.

Mama.

Ayya.

My smart little guy.  But seriously, if you could start using two words in a row, that would be great.  Now let's stack some blocks.