Bathroom Business!

Andy's preschool teacher sent a letter home with all of the parents today stating that his class has a real problem with bathroom breaks- as in every child needs to use the bathroom constantly to the point where it's disruptive.  I know Andy is one of the offenders on this issue because I've had to wait for him at pick-up while he's dawdled in his classroom's bathroom.  At home, Andy spends a lot of time in the bathroom.  One time earlier this summer, Andy was in the bathroom for a very long time. Finally, when he emerged, he announced, "I need some help washing my hands.  I was touching my penis A LOT."

Boys.

At home, the problem is not so much the going to the bathroom as it is the substantially prolonged period of hand-washing that follows.  Andy can spend twenty minutes just soaping up his hands, making bubbles, talking to himself, and running over fifteen gallons out of the faucet and down the drain.  He completely loses track of time while hand washing.  I guess his mind just wanders, perhaps playing out feature-film length Dora episodes in his head while he soaps and unsoaps, soaps and unsoaps.  I finally had to tell him that hand washing should take no longer than the amount of time it takes to sing the ABC song.  I'm slightly amused every time I hear the bars of ABCDEFG come floating through the bathroom door.  And I'm slightly irritated because, to me, that's STILL too long. We have a schedule to keep around here.  Soap, water, dry, go.  Why must everything be a production?

I do feel like I may be a little to blame for Andy's prolific bathroom use at school.  It hasn't happened in a week or two, but Andy has recently had a string of unfortunate accidents around the house. Sometimes it's pee, sometimes it's poo, but, either way, the guy is four and should really have a handle on all this by now.  I don't know about you and YOUR four year old, but I certainly feel like we have ALL failed on days when I have to scrape a man-sized poo out of Spiderman underwear from a child who's memorized facts about the planets and is interested in learning how pistons work in engines.  How can a youngster so bright and aware not feel such a very large poo coming on?  We are supposed to be beyond crapping ourselves.  I don't care that you couldn't figure out how to pause the television in time.  No show is worth this!

After a couple of accidents and some disgusting laundry, I put it all on the line for young Andrew. You have to pay attention to your body because if you poo or pee yourself outside of the house around other kids, they will shame you until we have no choice as a family but to move to a ranch in Montana with limited cell phone service.  Don't have an accident.  It's embarrassing.

And so it should come as no surprise that Andy is one of the kids in his preschool who likely goes all the time as to avoid packing his toys up in a U-Haul headed out West.

I have been trying to potty train Alex.  He's been using the potty for over six months now, but we're finally at a point where I feel confident in taking him out of the house in underwear.  This is a huge transition for not only young Alex but for me as well, as now, when I take the kids out, there are three of us with urgent bathroom needs.  I truly need to factor in about an extra forty-five minutes worth of time in bathroom breaks as not to run our schedule too tight.  Potty training is good and necessary and I'm happy at the prospect of weening off expensive pull-ups, but man is it a pain in the ass.  No one quite appreciates a child in a diaper like a mom with a newly training kid.  Especially one who has to pretty much completely undress in order to go while you kneel on the bathroom floor and try to pretend like it's not the most disgusting surface your pants will ever touch.

Of course, Alex is doing great with number one, but mastering number two is definitely going to take a while.  So let me tell you how Alex handles that one.  I put him in a pull-up for his nap.  He takes all his stuff out of his toddler bed and insists on sleeping in big brother Andy's bed.  Then, whilst in there, he releases the obnoxious amount of poo he's been holding all morning.  And so it seems that Alex has two toilets.  One, the real toilet.  Two, his brother's bed.

Which is fine with me.