The Mailman!

Because of Alex's blond hair, people often joke that he must be the mailman's baby.  I'd like to know where this myth of the lustful and indecent mailman first got started.  What neighborhood, with its surely poor and unreliable postal service, was gifted with the kind of mail delivery man that found all of that time during the work day to impregnate the lonely, bored, and somewhat sleazy housewives of suburbia?  How much better looking was this hunk of a mailman than, say, my mailman, who is just some lazy putz driving his dorky little mail car straight up to the curbside boxes?  Did this slutty mailman actively seduce a subdivision of stay-at home moms with free subscriptions to Cosmopolitan and the scoop on who was getting foreclosure notices mailed to them? And how did these women, these ladies of questionable morals, find the time between changing diapers, washing dishes, and applying band-aid after band-aid to mostly imaginary owwies to invite the mailman in for a romp?  I don't understand any part of this scenario, and if this all did or does actually happen- if the mailman does spend his days knocking up broads- then how much of this obscene activity is linked to the ever-rising cost of postage?  Or is this why the postal service doesn't want to deliver on Saturdays anymore?  Were Saturdays the Big Day for that original man whore of a mailman?  Or maybe, if there is some truth in the mailman making babies myth, that is why there are some days I get my mail around noon and yet other days when I don't get my mail until SIX.  Clearly, there must be some kind of a hold up.

Perhaps this would all be a good ad campaign for UPS.  Those UPS guys are always on the go- practically sprinting between their big brown, right-turn-only van and the doors of houses and businesses.  Those earnest fellows definitely don't have any time to be fooling around during the day.  UPS: We're much too efficient and schedule-oriented to sleep with your wife.