What I Want For Mother's Day!

1.  Cash is fine.

2.  I definitely want to sleep in.  This is hopefully a no-brainer, sweet husband of mine, but that means that once you get the kids downstairs, you also have to make sure to lock the child gate at the top of the stairs so they can't sneak up after you fall asleep on the couch.  Lock the gate. For God's sake.  And my bedroom door.  And maybe don't forget to feed them breakfast.  Andy likes anything with sugar in it.

3.  It would be nice to not have to change a single diaper or wipe any butts, but I know that's probably not super realistic.  So how about I'm just off duty for anything explosive.  That seems fair, right?

4.  I really don't want to clean anything, either.  But that doesn't mean that things should just go without being cleaned for the day.  Please clean in a satisfactory manner.  Sweep after every meal so we don't get ants.  You have to sweep pretty much right away, even as you're wiping the last bits of sugary breakfast from the boys' mouths.  So don't dilly dally too much and make sure you check the corners by the cabinets... Move the chairs, too. There's a dust pan in the closet.  Oh forget it, I'll just do the sweeping.

5.  As far as actual presents, I really do want the crappy handmade stuff.  Don't forget to have the boys draw or paint something for me.  Don't forget!  Also, please do not waste money on the following items: Greeting cards.  Flowers.  Candy.  Instead, you can go out and pick us up McDonalds breakfast since it's pretty much my favorite.  And when you order my Egg McMuffin, say "No Canadian bacon" as opposed to "No meat" because sometimes if you say "No meat" they hear "No cheese" and not having any cheese on my breakfast sandwich would PRETTY MUCH RUIN THE WHOLE DAY.

6.  I do not want breakfast in bed.  I want it at the table, like a civilized human being.  Not only do I not want my bed covered in crumbs and chunks of rotting food, but it's really difficult to sit up and eat in bed.  Just give me a chair at the table please.  And then I'll do the sweeping afterwards.

7.  Let's have a nice day with minimal yelling at the kids.  Let's create some goddamn memories.

8.  I want the kids to go to bed on time, by 7:15, and then I'd like my favorite bottle of wine (any bottle that's full of wine) and to lounge around watching my movie of choice.  I suppose I get that most nights, but especially on Mother's Day.  If Andy starts yelling for us because Alex is standing up in his crib flicking the light switch on and off in a sort of light switch rave, I am off duty and that's not my problem.

9.  I do want lots of hugs and kisses from my two adorable boys all day long.  I want cuddles and playing and big smiles and giggles.  That is a must, of course.

10.  But otherwise, cash is fine.