1. Do they even stock bowling shoes that fit a two year old?
Yes! They do! They're adorable, and the disinfectant to foot odor ratio is quite favorable. Andy and Alex were thrilled to put on their rental bowling shoes. Their faces lit up when I presented the special shoes, and it was a glow so much stronger than when they received their Christmas gifts from Santa nine days ago. This is either a commentary on the cheap crap Santa brought or the fact that experience trumps toys. Either way, bowling requires significant less batteries, so in battle Christmas Vs. Bowling, bowling delivers the knock-out punch.
2. Who won the game?I did! Me! I beat a two year old, a four year old, and my much, much older husband. I believe my final score was like 89. And that's WITH the bumpers up. Imagine how high my score would have been with the bumpers DOWN! Oh, wait. Never mind.
3. How fast did Alex's ball roll down the lane?
The high tech bowling computer clocked his rolls at about 0.5 miles per hour. Alex would lug his six pound ball up to the line and basically drop it straight down. Sometimes Chris would follow and give it a nice hearty shove to get it going down the lane, otherwise it would basically meander down the lane at a snail's pace before finally coming to a dead stop right before the set of ten pins. This slow roll and lack of really hitting anything did very little to affect Alex's pride. He would drop his ball and turn around with a huge grin on his face, little hands clapping in approval of his mad skills with no regard to knocking anything down.
4. Were there any mishaps?
The most amusing one that drew applause from a couple of day drinkers nearby was when Alex dropped his ball. The slippery beast rolled backwards, and he chased after it in a panic before finally throwing himself on it to stop it. He then picked it up and was about to launch it down our neighbor's lane before Chris deftly twisted him toward our lane where the ball promptly flew down at the correct pins at a record setting 0.7 miles per hour. Another mishap occurred when Andy, in his extreme excitement at cheering on his 3.8 mile per hour ball, jumped for joy right in front of the next lane's bowler, who had to slide to the side and alter his throw as to avoid smacking our young child in the face with his 14 pounder. This man, a very serious bowler wearing the glove and everything, ended up getting a strike on this roll, thus alleviating any guilt we might have had as parents. Also, the boys kept sticking their head practically INSIDE the ball return, but even that turned out okay, as their reflexive head jerk worked pretty good once their ball came shooting out.
5. Did Andy have a super great time or a super duper great time?
Andy had the best time ever, so the answer is duper. From the excitement of rental bowling shoes to the rush of inaccurately heaving his ball down the lane, to watching in anticipation as the ball made pin contact, and to cheering on himself and the rest of us with the kind of screaming most of us reserve for Double Coupon day, Andy loved every second of it. His form does need a little work, however. Andy would carry his ball up to the line, swivel his body around as far as his hips would work, and then just fling the ball in the general direction of the number 12 lane. I guess this worked pretty well, though, as he would then just stand and watch as the ball made its way down, eventually erupting into cheers once a pin or two fell over. Go Andy!! Look!!!
6. Why would you reward young Alex with bowling even though he's been pooping and peeing his pants pretty much constantly over the past few weeks?
Well, even chronic poopers deserve a reprieve. Although it's true, that Alex has been having more accidents than successes lately, leading me to believe that his truck undies have essentially become thin, nonabsorbent cloth diapers that I'm forced to wash in hot water several times per day. I'm having a very hard time getting Alex back on track with his potty business, and as a grown woman who's tired of touching urine and feces, I'm at my wit's end. Is it back to diapers? Do we struggle through this rough patch and just hope there's a non-shit-stained light at the end of the proverbial tunnel? Do we move on to some sort of star sticker system like we're in Jackie's Toilet School For Unbelievably Stinky Children? What? Do you have an answer? I'd love to hear it. As a side note, Alex did not poop or pee himself at the bowling alley. It could possibly be that the answer is more bowling.
7. Is bowling safe to do while pregnant?
Huh. I'm not sure. Good question.
8. Do you and Chris like to bowl?
Despite our horrible bowling scores, we used to love to bowl and we both used to be so much better. Our major connection back in 2002 when we first met was a shared love/obsession with the classic film "The Big Lebowski." If you haven't seen it, then I'm not sure I want to continue my friendship with you.
9. Will you take the kids bowling again?
Yes! Of course! Until mini-golf season, that is, and then we'll just have to see what the weather's like and if either place honors Double Coupon Day.
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